Why Creating and Maintaining Sexual Polarity in Christian Marriage is Important for Christian Women

Christianity

Sep 11

Christian Marriage for Feminine Christian Women

Why is it important to create and maintain sexual polarity in marriage as a Christian woman?

In the Christian faith, marriage is something that, although earthly or fleshly, is still considered a gift from God and something that is to be held as sacred and as a priority in your life.

In the Catholic Church, marriage is considered a sacrament. In Protestant traditions, marriage is, likewise, seen as something holy and as sacred. In the Orthodox Church, marriage is also considered a sacrament.

Of course, as St. Augustine makes clear, not everyone will be called to marriage. In fact, there will be many Christians who have no desire to marry and who will completely devote their life to Christ, but the majority of Christians will be called to marriage.

For Christians, marriage is something that is more than living together, more than managing a household and raising children together, and more than having sex together.

While Christian marriage may, and oftentimes does, entail all of these things, Christian marriage is a way to deeply see and relate to another in a special, sacred way that is designed to bring us closer to God through Christ.

Part of this special way of relating to each other in Christian marriage is having sex with one another. In fact, the very thing that distinguishes the relationship that you have with the man you marry as a Christian woman from every other man whom you meet in life is that you have sex with your husband.

To more specific and more perfect, that which distinguishes the man you marry from all other men you meet is that your husband is the only man for whom you allow yourself to feel sexual desire.

While lust is a sin, sexual desire for your husband is not.

While sexual desire for your husband could, potentially, cross the threshold and turn into sinful lust, it is completely natural for you to desire to have sex with your husband, and the container of marriage is what enables you to express this desire in a way that is pleasing to God.

Now, while it is certainly possible to love your husband while having zero sexual desire for him, part of what makes a marriage so special and such a gift is that it enables us to to relate with one man in a special way. Put simply, marriage enables us to transform what would be our lust into a pleasurable relation which enables us to know our husband deeply and to be known deeply ourselves in a way that is pleasing to the Lord and in a way that brings us closer to Him.

Talk about a gift, right?

BUT what makes for sexual attraction outside of lust?

We are all familiar with the spark of desire that tempts us to engage in sinful sexual activity. In truth, this spark of desire is what brings many together in Holy Matrimony, but how do we maintain this spark throughout the duration of our Christian marriage so that we can refrain from lusting after one other than our beloved and also get the Christian pleasure of such deep, sacred relation?

While no Christian is perfect, understanding the mechanics of polarity can help you learn how to consciously create and thereby maintain polarity with your husband so that you get to both a) fully enjoy the gift of marriage and b) utilize the gift of marriage to keep you from committing sexual sin in your heart and thus displeasing the Lord in the process.

What is Sexual Polarity in Marriage?

What is Sexual Polarity?

Before we get into what sexual polarity in marriage is, it is important to understand that sexual polarity is NOT exclusive to marriage alone.

To be clear, sexual polarity is a natural response that occurs between the masculine and feminine pole. It is a spark of sexual attraction.

If you have ever wondered how a man and a man or how a woman and a woman can feel sexual desire for one another, it is because one party is animating and/or embodying the masculine sexual essence and the other party is animating and/or embodying the feminine sexual essence.

What this means is that sexual polarity is about the energy or spirit being animated by the individual. The opposite masculine and feminine poles attract each other in a spark of sexual polarity.

Generally, women animate the feminine pole, and men animate the masculine pole.

While sexual polarity is important to keep the spark alive in marriage, it is 100% possible to experience sexual polarity without loving the individual and even without having had a word spoken with the individual.

Hence, sexual polarity is oftentimes spontaneous and naturally arising.

Right now you may be thinking that if sexual polarity is so spontaneous and naturally arising between two opposite poles that there is no use in even trying to keep your sexual desire contained in marriage.

If this is you, please know that we are NOT destined to be slaves to the spontaneous spark and to the seemingly insatiable drive of sexual polarity.

Although sexual polarity is not something exclusive to marriage and is, in fact, a natural inclination of the human heart in relation to a masculine or feminine pole, sexual polarity is something that we as human beings have a choice in creating and something to which we can respond consciously and in a Godly way should we choose to be pleasing to the Lord as Christians.

The truth is that the more attached to our flesh we are, the less conscious we are in how we actively contribute to creating sexual polarity outside of marriage. Additionally, the more we are attached to our flesh we are, the less we are able to respond to instances of sexual polarity in a way that is pleasing to God when we have a moment of weakness.

What is Sexual Polarity in Christian Marriage?

What is Christian Marriage?

In the original design that God had, as shared with us in the creation narrative espoused in Genesis, God originally planned for a one-man-and-one-woman design. However, as we soon learn later in Genesis 6, “… the sons of God saw that they were fair; and they took wives for themselves of all that they chose. Then the Lord said, ‘My Spirit shall not abide in mortals for ever …” (Genesis 6:2). After “The Lord saw that the wickedness of humankind was great in the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of their hearts was only evil continually” (Genesis 6:5), we learn about the flood.

Hence, not only is lust something that greatly displeases the Lord, but it is something that has been occurring in humanity since the beginning of the relationship of humanity and God, and without intervention, it seems to be our natural state.

As feminine Christian women, marriage is not only pleasing to our hearts. Marriage is also something that works to help our husband combat his natural inclination towards sexual lust by keeping his sexual appetite satisfied so that he can go out and do bigger, better, more God-pleasing things and something which enables him to know a deeper love for a woman than his natural inclination would enable him to know.

Now, you may be thinking that the Old Testament mentions sundry instances of polygamy so that polygamy is something that is okay, BUT if you look closer at the Old Testament, you will see time and time again that polygamy does not create desirable or pleasing consequences.

Furthermore, in the New Testament, it is made quite clear that marriage is a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman.

Christ has one church not many.

So, when it comes to sexual polarity in Christian marriage, it is important to realize that the fundamental component is consciously containing sexual polarity as an act of devotion and as a gift to your beloved (i.e., to your husband) to please God.

For a feminine Christian woman, sexual polarity is a gift of devotion reserved for the man who marries her rather than something to be spread around with just anyone or used to get superficial attention.

Sexual polarity in Christian marriage is the practice and the conscious choice to be self aware enough to realize how sexual polarity is created, to be aware when it is happening, and to respond in a way that dismantles it unless it occurring with your husband.

Sexual Polarity in Christian Marriage Can be Created and Maintained

Sexual polarity, although something that does occur naturally and spontaneously, requires two poles to occur. This means that you can choose to dismantle instances of sexual polarity and that you can choose to create moments of sexual polarity.

For Christian women who desire a Christian marriage that is pleasing to God, it is imperative that you refrain from leaking sexual energy with anyone who is NOT your husband.

While there is no such thing as a perfect Christian, it is important for Christian women to be aware of when sexual polarity is occurring and to respond to it in a way that honors herself, that honors her husband (even if she is yet to be married), and that, most importantly, honors God.

Far too many women both Christian and nonChristian alike are desperate for attention from men and will use the spark of sexual polarity to get the attention they crave and will try to justify it with saying things like “sex never happened” or that “it was something that just happened.”

BUT, sexual polarity is something that is created, and for Christian women, it is important that this is done consciously within the God-given container of marriage.

Lust is not only displeasing to God. Creating sexual polarity with someone other than your husband also works to take away from your marriage and works to take away from the specialness and thus from the passion that you can share with your husband if you only offered our sexual energy to him.

Such self control is part of maintaining sexual polarity in our Christian marriage. When we work to reserve every moment of sexual polarity for our husband and for our husband alone, we not only strengthen our ability to be sexy and thus to have a passionate sex life but we also allow ourselves to detach from our flesh and to be in closer communion with the Holy Spirit, with Christ, and with God because we are standing above the sexual nature of our flesh through self control and submission.

Such maintenance contributes to our Christian marriage because even though hot, carnal sex can happen in Christian marriages (we refer to this as “ravishment”), that which distinguishes rape from ravishment is love. Our husband is more than a man with whom we share sexual polarity within the container of marraige. Our husband is also a man we love and whom provides us with a constant, steady container of love so that we feel safe, cherished, and so that we are led to clear our blemishes and to be more Holy ourselves.

Receiving this depth of love and this level of leadership is much easier, fruitful, and fulfilling when we ourselves are open to receiving it, and it is much harder if not impossible to fully and deeply receive this depth of love and this level of leadership when we are out contributing to moments of sexual polarity with anyone other than our husband.

The truth is that sexual energy is powerful, and how you choose to use it will directly contribute not only the quality, depth, and intimacy of your Christian marriage but also to your attachment to your flesh and to your relationship with God through Christ.